3 Levels of Self Belief - Shifting from Shame to Shine
Your ability to succeed in this life is impacted by your beliefs about yourself.
Limiting Beliefs that Cause Shame
In my blog 3 Steps to Eliminate Barriers to Your Dream Life, I explained that your beliefs about yourself, your relationships and your status in the world can prevent you from living your successful life. All of the reasons for not achieving your perfect life can be summarized into the 3 common limiting beliefs that are barriers to your success: Shame, Isolation and Lack. This blog focuses on your beliefs about yourself, and how the limiting beliefs that cause Shame can prevent you from achieving your successful life.
Believing you’re not good enough or that you’re “too much” (too loud, too quiet, too eccentric, too standoffish, too big, too small, too much of any opposite traits) is based on the underlying belief that something is inherently wrong with you. This leads to fears that you’ll never be good enough at home or work, you don’t deserve to be successful in your career or you’re going to be stuck at your current level indefinitely. You’re likely to feel shame or view yourself as inadequate when compared to another person in any situation.
If you believe for any reason that you can’t achieve your successful life, because you are not good enough, then you will never achieve it. If you believe you can achieve your successful life, because you are good enough, then you will move mountains to achieve it.
3 Levels of Self Belief
The levels of self belief are based on the impact the level has on your energy, shifting from contractive to expansive.
Shame - Shameful comparison is the lowest level of self belief. You can usually recognize the underlying limiting belief by superlative and generalizing words like always, never, worst. too much or not enough. This level of self belief is the most contractive and reduces your energy and your confidence, resulting in becoming invisible or in masking your authentic self.
Confidence - Competent confidence is the next level of self belief. When you’re able to shift from the limiting beliefs to the underlying truth that you are good enough and just right, exactly as you are, you will gain confidence. With confidence, you recognize how competent you already are, and you become more willing to take steps to be your best and become more competent in your field. This level of self belief is a neutral level that feels very comfortable. You claim your abilities and take small consistent steps, yet you may still be looking for external approval and validation of your competence.
Shine - Shining your light as a self-actualized leader is the highest level of self belief. This level of self-belief is the most expansive and increases your energy and your confidence, resulting in becoming visible and shining as your authentic self.
Self-actualization is “the realization or fulfillment of one's talents and potentialities, especially considered as a drive or need present in everyone.” (per Google dictionary) Therefore, self-actualization is really the fulfillment of your life purpose, your ability to shine your light.
Being a leader doesn’t mean you have to be a boss with employees. By modeling self-actualization and competent confidence for others without requiring external validation, you lead others to follow your example. They will believe that they too can shift from shame to shine.
Shifting from Shame to Shine
Discovering Your Limiting Beliefs
Grab a sheet of paper. On the left half, answer the following questions to help you discover your limiting beliefs:
How would you describe your role in your family of origin? What statements would you make about yourself?
What negative descriptions do you add to “I am…” when you describe yourself.
What words do your family, friends or people at work or in your community say that make you feel any negative feelings (whether or not the negativity was intended)?
What do you say to yourself when you’ve made a mistake?
Recognizing your triggers is the first step to shifting your negative limiting beliefs about yourself.
Eliminating Limiting Beliefs
Denials and affirmations are the best method for eliminating limiting, negative, harmful beliefs. Deny the belief any power over you. Treat those negative limiting beliefs like a tiny ant hill that you barely even notice. Step over them and move forward. Focus instead on affirming the truth. If you think you’re not good enough to deserve what you want in life, then tell that belief it is an insignificant ant hill, step over it, and affirm that you deserve to live a happy, healthy life, by the mere fact that you are alive and breathing!
Now, on the right half of the paper you used to answer the questions above, write the truth beside each limiting belief to deny it any power over you. For example, if you used to say that you were a failure if you made a mistake, change it to “I made a mistake and learned a valuable lesson. I am capable and will challenge myself to try again, using what I learned in this experience.
Being Is Believing
How would a person who embodies the truth on the right side of the paper behave? What thoughts would they think? What emotions would they feel? What actions would they take? Be that person in every decision you make.
Notice when the limiting beliefs try to return to drag you back into your negative belief comfort zone. Remind yourself how good it feels to step outside that comfort zone, how energized you feel when you affirm expansive thoughts and beliefs about yourself. Deny the limiting beliefs any power over you. Affirm the truth instead, repeatedly. Be the person who claims your truthful affirmations. The more you think like the person in your vision, the more you will believe that you are, and the more successful you will be. Being is believing.