3 Levels of Relational Beliefs - Shifting from Isolation to Interdependence

Your ability to succeed in this life is impacted by your beliefs about other people.

Limiting Beliefs that Cause Isolation

In my blog 3 Steps to Eliminate Barriers to Your Dream Life, I explained that your beliefs about yourself, your relationships and your status in the world can prevent you from living your successful life. All of the reasons for not achieving your perfect life can be summarized into the 3 common limiting beliefs that are barriers to your success: Shame, Isolation and Lack. This blog focuses on your beliefs about other people, and how the limiting beliefs that cause Isolation can prevent you from achieving your successful life. 

Believing you don’t belong in the successful group or deserve the love of family and friends is based on the underlying belief that love and acceptance is conditional on your behavior, and you are inherently unlovable. This leads to fears that you’re not as good as other people and will never be accepted in the “successful” group or feeling like an imposter if you have entered the group. You don’t feel lovable, so you isolate yourself and don’t let others see the real you. You don’t take chances on having deep meaningful relationships, because they would never last. You’re likely to feel isolated or view yourself as unlovable when you do reach out. 

If you believe for any reason that you can’t have the loving and mutually respectful relationships that you envision, then you won’t have them. If you believe you can have loving and mutually respectful relationships in your life, because you are loving and lovable, then you will energize and deepen your relationships until they reach the level in your vision.

3 Levels of Relational Belief

The levels of relational beliefs are based on the impact the level has on your energy, shifting from contractive to expansive.

Isolation - Isolation is the lowest level of relational belief. You can usually recognize the underlying limiting belief by the sad, lonely, grieving, fearful emotions that they elicit. It’s the thoughts that arise, saying: 

“I don’t need anyone.” 

“I’m better off without them.”

“They don’t care about me, so why should I?”

“I don’t fit in.”

You are so focused on separating yourself, because you fear rejection if you do try to fit in. You are lonely, even when you’re standing in a crowded room. Even when you do reach out to others, you are waiting for the moment of rejection, so you often sabotage yourself to escape.

Interaction - Confidently interacting with other people is the next level of relational belief. When you’re able to shift from the limiting beliefs to the underlying truth that you are loving and lovable, without changing who you are, you will begin to interact more with people in all areas of your life. The more you interact with others, the more you begin to support others and to create your own support system of family, friends and mentors. You become more comfortable reaching out. This level of relational belief is a neutral level that feels very comfortable. You claim your ability to love and be loved, yet you may still be looking for external proof to validate that you are lovable.

Interdependence - Realizing your interdependence with all LIFE is the highest level of self belief. This level of relational belief is the most expansive and increases your energy and your ability to interact with others collaboratively, resulting in synergistic relationships. Your collaborations will produce better results than the sum of your separate actions. When you internalize your belief in interdependence, you will naturally interact with others in a flow state. You will naturally collaborate with each participant in any activity performing their excellent skills and relying on others to do the same, resulting in the highest level of excellence for all.  

Shifting from Isolation to Interdependence

Discovering Your Limiting Beliefs

Grab a sheet of paper. On the left half, answer the following questions to help you discover your limiting beliefs:

• How would you describe your role in your personal and professional relationships? What statements would you make about yourself and others in the relationships?

• What negative descriptions do you add to “I am…” when you label yourself as part of a group? Eg. “I am the black sheep of the family.” or “I am the one nobody listens to.”

• What do your family, friends or people at work or in your community do without you? Do you feel excluded? Did they offer to include you? Did you decline? If so, why?

• What do you say to yourself when you feel sad and lonely?

Recognizing your triggers is the first step to shifting your negative limiting beliefs about your relationships with others.

Eliminating Limiting Beliefs

Denials and affirmations are the best method for eliminating limiting, negative, harmful beliefs. Deny the belief any power over you. Treat those negative limiting beliefs like a tiny ant hill that you barely even notice. Step over them and move forward. Focus instead on affirming the truth. If you think you’re not lovable, then tell that belief it is an insignificant ant hill, step over it, and affirm that you deserve to have deep loving relationships because you are an integral part of all LIFE in the natural flow of unconditional love moving through you. Send love to all and feel that love flowing back to you.

Now, on the right half of the paper you used to answer the questions above, right the truth beside each limiting belief to deny it any power over you. For example, if you used to say that nobody wants you to participate because I’m no fun, change it to “They want me to participate with confidence and enthusiasm and to relax and have fun with it.” 

Being Is Believing

How would a person who embodies the truth on the right side of the paper behave? What thoughts would they think? What emotions would they feel? What actions would they take? Be that person in every decision you make. 

Feel the difference between thinking you’re no fun and knowing others want you to relax and enjoy yourself. Then step into the positive feelings and actions of the truth that you can relax and enjoy yourself.

Notice when the limiting beliefs try to return to drag you back into your negative belief comfort zone. Remind yourself how good it feels to step outside that comfort zone, how energized you feel when you affirm expansive thoughts and beliefs about your relationships. Deny the limiting beliefs any power over you. Affirm the truth instead, repeatedly. Be the person who claims your truthful affirmations. The more you think like the person in your vision, the more you will believe that you are, and the more successful your relationships will be. Being is believing.